JUNE 10, 1994

GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE B-3

FROM THE HART

Taylor's advice on working relationships

Advice on love, relationships and other issues relevant to sexual minorities.

Dear Taylor,

by Taylor Hart

I'm a relatively happy gay male. The other night I came home with Sandy [not her real name], she is one of my co-workers, who I have become close to professionally and, to a lesser extent, personally, over the past few months. Because I am in the closet at work, Sandy had no knowledge of my sexual orientation. After a few glasses of wine Sandy started massaging my back, which felt good after a tense day at the office. Soon her top was off and she started trying to sexually arouse me any way she could. Of course, she did not succeed. I finally told her that I am a homosexual, but she thought that I was trying to spare her feelings and she left very confused and upset.

That's not the end of it, though. Now I want to make love to her. Although I have never desired a woman before, and would be more than satisfied with only male lovers, I've actually found myself getting excited about the prospect of having sex with Sandy just once.

So, Taylor, how do I repair my relationship with Sandy and get her where she wants to be, in my bed, while still convincing her that I am happily gay and plan to stay that way?

Wanting It

Ethan has gone to the

beach for the summer

Eric Orner, creator of The Mostly Unfabulous Social Life of Ethan Greene, will be concentrating on his studies for the Massachusetts bar exam this summer, and has suspended the comic strip. Ethan will return in the September 30 Chronicle.

Leanne Franson, of Montréal, Québec, joins us this issue with a look at life from a lesbian & bisexual perspective in Lilianne.

Dykes To Watch Out For

the

best policy

188

MALIKA'S COMING FOR THE WEEKEND. I WAS THINKING MAYBE YOU AND I SHOULD CLEAR OUT TONIGHT SO SHE AND GINGER CAN HAVE

SOME TIME ALONE.

Dear Wanting It,

Cool it with Sandy.

As a general rule I recommend that people avoid romantic or sexual relationships with their co-workers or business partners. Almost always this type of intimacy complicates your professional relationship. What if things don't work out? What if your romantic and sexual relationship turns really sour? How comfortable would you then be seeing and working with Sandy on a daily basis, especially in the presence of your co-workers?

Professional behavior does not include having sex with your co-workers. Let's face it, the only reason that you even know Sandy is because you need to earn money and your employer is willing to pay you for your professional services. Continuing to earn this money and grow professionally with your employer are your goals and having sex with a co-worker may not be conducive to your being able to continue to obtain these goals.

However, there are exceptions to this guideline. Sometimes love just happens. When co-workers fall in love and wish to have a continuing emotional romantic relationship I will generally advise them not to

Liliane

...i was

just

Wondering

discuss this relationship with any of their co-workers and I strongly urge one of them to seek new employment.

This is not your situation with Sandy. You are not seeking a long term romantic relationship. You are not even seeking a long term sexual relationship. You yourself said that you are "more than satisfied with only male lovers" and that you are "happily gay and plan to stay that way." So why risk so very much (your friendship with Sandy, your ability to work comfortably with Sandy and your ability to feel comfortable in your work environment) for so very little (a one time sexual experience)?

It is easy to understand why Sandy is upset and confused. You sent her mixed messages. Allowing her to massage your back after a few glasses of wine in the privacy of your home was very misleading. Many people would have interpreted this type of intimacy as an invitation for romantic or sexual contact. Why did you allow her to get so very intimate with you? Was Sandy's desire for you a boost to your ego? Did turning Sandy on provide you with a feeling of power or control? Could a boost to your ego or feelings of power or control be central in your sudden desire to have sex with Sandy? Since she was unable to arouse

... . Sophie and i stay together... forever, am i still bisexual?

♡

you in the past, it is hard to understand this sudden desire to have sex with her. I suggest that you spend some time thinking about the above listed questions before you try to answer them for yourself.

Many people, regardless of their sexual orientation, occasionally think about what it would be like to have sex with someone of a different sexual orientation. In simpler terms, some straight people occasionally think about gay sex and some gay people occasionally think about straight sex. This is perfectly normal. Most people choose not to act out these thoughts. But far be it from me to sound like I am condemning sexual experimentation. I am all for sexual experimentation! (Safer sex, of course.) But if you really desire to have a sexual experience with a female, I strongly suggest that you find this partner outside of your work environment. Happy Hunting!

Dear Taylor,

When is the best time to have sex? Pressed for Time

Dear Pressed,

When you're in love.

Send your questions to Taylor, c/o the Chronicle.

if six-year-old Bobby Becker has a crush on six-year-old Donald Daily, is he gay, or just cute?

WOW

...if Sal is halfway thru her...if a pedigreed lesbian gives ... if Butler likes to watch FtoM Sex-change is s/he a birth thru artificial insemination, humans have sex, is he a fag or a fag-hag? is it a virgin birth?

HOW THOUGHTFUL, IF UNCHAR ACTERISTIC OF YOU, LOIS. SO, I GUESS IF MALIKA'S FLYING IN ALL THE WAY FROM SAN FRANCISCO, SHE MUST HAVE FORGIVEN GINGER'S LITTLE CONFERENCE TRYST.

MEANWHILE, CLARICE IS HOME FROM THE SALT MINES. MAYBE IT'S A BABY PRESENT. YOU HAVEN'T

YOU OPENED IT?

HEY, A PACKAGE FROM

I'M AFRAID

YOUR PARENTS! WHY HAVEN'T

IT'S A BOMB.

AM PEE

BAY

HEARD FROM THEM SINCE RAFFI WAS BORN. THEIR GUILT REFLEXES MUST FINALLY BE KICKING IN. LET'S OPEN IT!

UH... GINGER DECIDED IT WASN'T THE SORT OF THING SHE COULD TELL HER OVER THE PHONE.

TOLD YOU IT WAS

A BOMB.

Gai

"Cheri

OH MY GOD! POOR MALIKA! Y'KNOW, I THINK I'LL CLEAR OUT FOR THE WHOLE WEEKEND.

ME TOO. I'LL BE AT SONYA'S. NORMALLY I AVOID WEEKEND-LONG DATES-THERE'S SOMETHING SO SORDID AND DOMESTIC ABOUT WAKING UP TWO DAYS IN A ROW WITH THE SAME PERSON -BUT IN THIS CASE, I'M MAKING AN EXCEPTION.

CLIK!

pervert?

BABY

BOOH B

HI,MALIKA!

You LOOK GREAT! HOW WAS YOUR FLIGHT?

RIF!

A TIP OF THE NIB TO RACHEL LURIE

GOTTA RUN!

SLAM

CIAO

NOW ALL THREE OF YOU ARE ACTING FISHY. WHAT'S GOING ON? DID YOU LEAVE ONE

OF OUR "PERSONAL VIDEOTAPES IN THE VCR AGAIN?

"THANK YOU FOR THE SNAPSHOTS. HE LOOKS SO MUCH LIKE YOUR TIO HECTOR. I JUST PRAY YOU'VE TAKEN HIM TO BE BAPTIZED, AND THAT IT'S NOT TOO LATE FOR YOU TO FIND A HUSBAND. A CHILD NEEDS TWO PARENTS, AND A BOY ESPECIALLY NEEDS A FATHER,'

TONI...

BELIEVE ME, HON. TELLING

I KNOW, I KNOW. I HAVE TO DO IT. AFTER ALL, WHAT KIND OF AN THEM THE TRUTH EXAMPLE AM I SETTING CAN ULTIMATELY RAFAEL IF I CAN'T ONLY IMPROVE TELL MY OWN PARENTS, YOUR RELATIONSHIP. I'M A LESBIAN?

AM I MAD AT YOU? FOR DIDDLING SOME BIMBO? OH, GIRL. WHEN I GET MAD, YOU WON'T HAVE TO ASK. I'M JUST WARMING UP. I GOTTA PACE MY. SELF IF I WANT TO MAKE YOU SUFTER WITHOUT PAUSE FOR THE REMAINDER OF YOUR BORN DAYS.

AJAI